and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
