Your face is a jimmy john
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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