best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
