sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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