I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
