I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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