he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
