I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
