I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
