lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize