Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
