winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
