So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
