quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
