Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
