so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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