I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize