Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
