why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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