In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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