if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
