Sponge bath it is.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
