I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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