Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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