My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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