there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I want to fling myself into the sun
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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