you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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