you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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