That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
