Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
