I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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