I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize