She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Do vagina's smell?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
