I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize