Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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