i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
