hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
