Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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