You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
