the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
