i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
