That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize