So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
