can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
