You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The Olympian is in my bed
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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