Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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