it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
