He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize