his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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