We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
