How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
