i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We left an ass print on the piano.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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