Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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