id be glad to
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
