I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize