laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
