so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
