i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
