So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
