YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
