I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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