I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
