she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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