Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Sext me about skeletons
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
