is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
