I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
