Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
