We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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