I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
