just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize