Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
