Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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