I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize