I accidentally had phone sex last night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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