he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
