Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
