She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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