you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
